When I had first arrived at Ivy Ridge, I was not accountable for a lot of the things I had done to get myself here.  It took me about a year just to achieve level three.  I found that seminars helped me out a lot.  When I started going through all of my seminars and shooting up in levels, I was the happiest I had ever been.  On level three I had four hope buddies each with a different personality and mind set.  At times they were difficult to work with just like I was when I got here, but I found that on each person, I made an impressions in one way or another.  We all made a mistake to get ourselves in a program which is why we are here to change old ways, old patterns.  When I had acheived level 4 (service status), I was extremely happy because I did it by myself, on my own.  I even went through PC1 on my own.  I would get down on myself becuse I though I was the only one, I though, I was the only one with non supportive parents, but I knew I was not alone, I just wanted to feel alone so I had an excuse to feel sad or sabatoge my points since I didnt know what was in store for me in the future.  On service status, level 4, I dropped several times and I knew that it only made me stronger.  Then one of the directors gave me an opportunity to live with her and her family.  I did great in school and was working at the lodge with chief Julie and chief Martha for the first five months.  For the last month, I was not communicating at all, doing whatever I wanted, being dishonest, etc.  The Morley’s gave me everything and we had many things planned.  They really wanted a girl but I chose to make a mistake.  I have been back in the program for 4 months.  After about a month I was a level two.  At three months, I had 800 points.  Then I started getting upset and falling especially after my 16th birthday.  I fell right back down to about 35 points, slowly, but surely.  Now I am currently level one as a bunk leader.  I asked to be taken out of bunk leader because I didn’t feel that I would struggle and take care of myself.  I have had many talks with Mr. Jason, Ms. Ann, Ms, Amy and Ms, Vera, but I have been really stubborn and still am.  Even just recently I would not listen to what others said to me because I didn’t want to believe it, especially if it had to do with something non-working I was doing.  I have learned not to baby talk or whine, thanks to Ms. Vera who almost brought in baby bottles, passafires and diapers the first year I was here, and I aslo learned that people come and go.  That’s just how it goes.  Some people come into our lives, and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.  I learned that if it takes me three days to cry when I’m upset and let it all out just to get back up to where I want to be, to do so because I am worth it, but not to wallow in self pity.  After all of the mistakes I’ve made, I know I can still go out there and be all that I can be, even if I don’t feel that way in the moment.  I also learned that fear is one of the biggest things holding me back.  Fear of being alone, fear of people actually caring about me since I am so used to watching people come and go. I also know that what I fear is what I create, and that there are no accidents for any of the things that happen in my life.  I know that I can not change anyone’s mindset beacuse they will change when they want to change.  Being here for 32 months all together, I have gained so much wisdom and I’d get frustrated that other people could not see it.  I know that if I truly want something for my life, I will do whatever it takes to get what I want for a successful future.  I can not let what I’ve done get in my way because I am capable of many things.

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