I didn’t need to go to Focus - at least that’s what I thought. You see, I got a lot out of Discovery, and besides, what else could they say that I hadn’t already heard?

I was wrong.

Focus had an enormous impact on me. I had been struggling with relationships for twenty five years, never quite knowing how to keep them from going sideways. I’ve tried everything: being more this, less that, acting more like this, less like that. I tried everything, that is, except not acting at all - except being me.

This might seem basic to you, dear reader, but to me it was Mount Everest. The idea of stripping off all masks, of being vulnerable and not putting on any act at all, was unnerving. When I would walk into a room full of people I’d not met before, I wanted so much for things to go well that I went into “doing” mode rather that just being. I would try to “do” relationships rather than being me, being real, without masks or showmanship.

It seems so obvious now - it was laying on the surface the whole time. But I couldn’t, or perhaps wouldn’t, see it. Then came Focus. One of the precious, powerful people at Focus had the courage to give me brutally honest feedback, and that feedback changed everything. For the first time I got it: my problem wasn’t relationships at all. It was fear. Fear of rejection was the trigger that brought me into “doing” rather than being.

This experience led to a new decision anchored by a contract. I made this contract with myself: I am a courageous, connected, and free man. You know what? I actually am! I’m still occasionally tempted to slip into “doing” but it not longer had any real power. It’s an old, feeble fear - a predator without teeth. I am courageous, connected and free.

I almost didn’t attended Focus - I almost missed that wonderful opportunity. Thankfully my wife MaryElaine convinced me to attend as a good example to our teen: we were asking him to be a finisher, so let’s show that we are also finishers. Whether or not that was a good reason is academic: the fact is I attended Focus, and I’m grateful.

If you have not yet attended Focus, I highly recommend it.

Marshall C.

Son Peter C.

Academy Ivy Ridge

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