A goal is something of value you want to accomplish.  They’re as simple of challenging as you want to make them.  For me a goal is a promise to myself, a way for me to challenge myself to get more out of life.  I set weekly goals to push myself in school and with my peer but a challenging goal in which I strive my hardest in is my relationship with my parents.  As an immediate goal I am always looking for ways to improve relationships with my family.  At home I consistantly chose friends, alcohol and drugs over the ones who loved me the most, my family.  Being here at Academy Ivy Ridge, I’ve noticed my poor choices and work to improve them.  As someone wise once told me you learn more from your set backs than you do your success.

My Goal is to work on that, my set backs.  I want to become a family of strong unity, re-build the broken bridge of trust, be and stay respectful to those who care so much about me to see I wasn’t on the road to success.  This goal may sound challenging and at times I feel it may be impossbile but I keep an open mind and continue working on it.  I work through bringing up poor choices, learning from my se backs.  Being a respectful and hardworking kid in my program.

My immediate goals for the next month are to work for level two and prepare myself to get level 3 before my birthday, which is in march, so I can have a phone call with my mother.  To reach my goal to do this, I plan to take myself out of positions, participate more in morning group, and be more quiet.  I know exactly what I need to work on and the rules that I constantly break, so now I just have to focus on not breaking those rules, and following them.  I will work my butt off for the remainder of January, and the entire month of February.

My Goals for the next month are to become level 3 and pass my track for 3 more weeks.  I’m going to work for these goals by first being more comfortable with me and accomplishing level 3 for me not others.  Because somtimes I do things for others and accomplishing level 3  because it’s something I can do on my own and it’s not like they just hand it to me, it’s putting effort in to it, making myself proud and building better relationships for passing my track 3 more weeks in a row, because I have been slacking lately in school.  I don’t always put my all into it and even at home I didn’t put my all into school.  I don’t always pass my track.  When I do feel like I accomplished something and I actually like school I just struggle in the same classes.  I know I can sit there and study for like 20 minutes and then ask if somebody can quiz me, I can also get peer help and teacher help whenever I am struggling, because I want to get around 2 or more units done with in a month, usually it takes me a while to get just one unit done.

When I had first arrived at Ivy Ridge, I was not accountable for a lot of the things I had done to get myself here.  It took me about a year just to achieve level three.  I found that seminars helped me out a lot.  When I started going through all of my seminars and shooting up in levels, I was the happiest I had ever been.  On level three I had four hope buddies each with a different personality and mind set.  At times they were difficult to work with just like I was when I got here, but I found that on each person, I made an impressions in one way or another.  We all made a mistake to get ourselves in a program which is why we are here to change old ways, old patterns.  When I had acheived level 4 (service status), I was extremely happy because I did it by myself, on my own.  I even went through PC1 on my own.  I would get down on myself becuse I though I was the only one, I though, I was the only one with non supportive parents, but I knew I was not alone, I just wanted to feel alone so I had an excuse to feel sad or sabatoge my points since I didnt know what was in store for me in the future.  On service status, level 4, I dropped several times and I knew that it only made me stronger.  Then one of the directors gave me an opportunity to live with her and her family.  I did great in school and was working at the lodge with chief Julie and chief Martha for the first five months.  For the last month, I was not communicating at all, doing whatever I wanted, being dishonest, etc.  The Morley’s gave me everything and we had many things planned.  They really wanted a girl but I chose to make a mistake.  I have been back in the program for 4 months.  After about a month I was a level two.  At three months, I had 800 points.  Then I started getting upset and falling especially after my 16th birthday.  I fell right back down to about 35 points, slowly, but surely.  Now I am currently level one as a bunk leader.  I asked to be taken out of bunk leader because I didn’t feel that I would struggle and take care of myself.  I have had many talks with Mr. Jason, Ms. Ann, Ms, Amy and Ms, Vera, but I have been really stubborn and still am.  Even just recently I would not listen to what others said to me because I didn’t want to believe it, especially if it had to do with something non-working I was doing.  I have learned not to baby talk or whine, thanks to Ms. Vera who almost brought in baby bottles, passafires and diapers the first year I was here, and I aslo learned that people come and go.  That’s just how it goes.  Some people come into our lives, and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.  I learned that if it takes me three days to cry when I’m upset and let it all out just to get back up to where I want to be, to do so because I am worth it, but not to wallow in self pity.  After all of the mistakes I’ve made, I know I can still go out there and be all that I can be, even if I don’t feel that way in the moment.  I also learned that fear is one of the biggest things holding me back.  Fear of being alone, fear of people actually caring about me since I am so used to watching people come and go. I also know that what I fear is what I create, and that there are no accidents for any of the things that happen in my life.  I know that I can not change anyone’s mindset beacuse they will change when they want to change.  Being here for 32 months all together, I have gained so much wisdom and I’d get frustrated that other people could not see it.  I know that if I truly want something for my life, I will do whatever it takes to get what I want for a successful future.  I can not let what I’ve done get in my way because I am capable of many things.

What does the school mean to me today?

When I came to Ivy Ridge a year ago I didn’t think this school could help me at all.  I thought it was a waste of my time, and then I went through seminars.  As much as I wanted to deny that this place had a purpose for me, over the course of the year I came to see how I changed.  Today it’s made me a better person then when I first stepped through these doors.  I’ve had many struggles here, in which at times I didn’t want to pick myself back up and try again. These obstacles have taught me to become persistant and strive for my dreams because I’m worth it.  Whatever doesn’t bill me makes me stronger.  Another great lesson I have I learned here was that I’m the only one I have in life and if I don’t change it for the better then I’m never going to do anything different.  I can now say I’m glad I came here when I did because it saved me from a lot of things and it gave me a second chance at life, not a lot of people have that.  I also condsidered myself lucky, because one day when I leave I will have all the secrets to life.  I have also come to realize what was truly important to me and how to prioritize.  Staying here I came to love and appricate people and things.   I have never thought I would.  I ‘ve aquired many skills on how to read people and how to communicate.  The biggest lessons I have learned here was not to react to life’s struggles but to respond to them.  It really is worth living your life for the better and I’m not going to let the world mold me into it’s cast.  I am a spontaneious, Forgiving, Vibrant and Creative young WOMEN!!!

What does the program mean to me today as compared to when I first entered it?

After being here for fifteen months the program means a great difference to me from when I first entered. At first it was just a place for parents to drop their kids off hoping that they could be fixed. I didn’t realize until months later that this hell hole was my second chance at life.  I hated everyone, especially my parents, and I hated my life. The program wasn’t a place where I could just run away when things get tuff or try to drink my problems away. After getting cat fours and fives shorlty after being here I learned that I couldn’t fake my way out of here.  I had to get my priorities straight, find my values I truely honored, and apply them to my everyday life.  I was a sixteen year old girl who thought she knew everything in life, always had to have the last word, attitude toward everyone, selfish, inconsiderate of the people around me, and gang affiliated.  Thinking that through a gang is the only to get somewhere in life because I felt that was the only place I was respected and was in control of how much respect I had.  My family at home was always there for me I just pushed them away because I was afraid of being hurt, when in doing that I was only causing myself more pain.  I didn’t miss my family because I didn’t understand what family  meant.  It wasn’t until having PC1 with my mom and her girlfriend, my other mom, six and a half months into my program that i became homesick along with starting to love myself again I slowly started to love my mom again.  I wasn’t cursing her out in every letter but expressing how I felt about things in a  respectful way.  Another two months later I had PC1 with my dad and went to focus.  Focus was the biggest slap in the face to reality for me after going through and graduating three long, emotional, and exciting days in focus I didn’t understand how anyone could break a rule or not appreciate their family.  I was flying through my program after that.  I got level three and a month later I got level four.  Along the journey I learned more about myself, got closer to my parents, and realized where I wanted to go in my life.  After my off grounds I lost sight of the real reason I was working and I ended up dropping for cheating in school.  Straight back to old patterns of being in my image, thinking I wasn’t good enough, and blamed everything on my mom.  I sat in my crap for a couple of months and being in denial about thinking that doing nothing might get me home, I began to work again.  And ever since I’ve dropped I hate seeing situations where girls are about to flip out and lose everything that they have.  Whether I am close to the person or not I take it personal because I don’t want to see someone lose their level when they are just thinking irrational in the moment.  They don’t realize what could potentically be losing.  It’s more than a level, it’s what you’ve worked for, for months, trust, respect, pride, dignity, knowing that someone else is proud of you too and you gain guilt, pain, regret, sorrow, and shame.  Those arent’ things you want to gain, it’s all not work it in the end.  This program has taught me to appreciate the little things in life but most of all my life and my family.  I can actually hold a conversation with my parents.  I don’t let other people determine my self worth, I do with the confidence this program has helped me build.  I am able to pick myself up when I fall and keep going, I don’t give up on myself like I did at home.  It taught me responsibility and that I am accountable for every action I do or do not take.  Here I think are the realest people because we go through and learn more than 40 year old adults have learned their whole life.  It’s more than just a program it’s the toast to life.  Without this program I was well on my way to just becoming another teenage statistic in our society.  Now I am a goofy, powerful, forgiving, compassionate and pure young woman and determinded to make my dreams to reality.

What I have learned about this school is that it is trying to help us out in life.  It’s trying to give us a chance, about how we should appreciate what we have and not take anything for granted.  That what I did at home I really didn’t pay attention to.  Instead I was to busy hanging out with the wrong crowd of people and not really doing what I should of been doing.  Now this place is teaching us that we have to work for what we want and we have to put effort in it to get back the results that we want.  I know that working this program is the only thing that is going to send me home and that is exactly what I am doing.  I have a better relastionship with my family.  My father and I see a lot of things that we have in common and one of them is that we love each other. 

If one was to ask me what this school meant to me the first couple of months I was here, I would have simply told you nothing. If one was to ask me now, I would say that this school has helped me out quite a bit in my time here. It has helped me learn to appreciate my family. When I was at home I never pondered the idea that one day my family might not be with me all the time, and I took them for granted. My first many months here, I used my letters I wrote on Sunday as a way to try to make my family at home feel bad for sending me here, whether it was by going on a fake quilt trip or just being verbally abusive. Whether or not writing this was hurting my family was of no concern to me. Going home was my biggest and only concern. Eventually I decided to make a change. I wanted a relationship with my family at home, and missed them very much. I took a look at the behaviors that caused me to bring myself down, and worked to change them. I have an awesome relationship with my mother now, and have been consistently working on improving it even more. This school to me is a chance for a better relationship with my family, a second chance, and a glimpse at where my life was going.

When I first came to Ivy Ridge, I thought this place was a punishment, It was a place my parents sent me to send me away because I was a bad kid. I used that as an excuse for my bad behavior when I arrived here. My first two months I sat on my butt and did nothing. I started working after orientation, and came close to level three. I mad a bad decision and I got a category 4. I blamed everyone but myself. When I lost my points I blamed the school and in my mind I believed that if I rebelled it would be in some way affecting the school. I did everything possible to get corrections. I sat on my butt for 16 months with zero points. Until recently I haven’t worked. During the last two months I have realized what this school can do for me. Ivy Ridge gave me a second chance of living the life I dreamed of as a child. It gave me another chance at having a relationship with my parents. It showed me who was really responsible for my actions at home. It was me. This place gave me the chance to learn about who I really am, it taught me that I don’t have to change who I am to satisfy the likes of others. It teaches me to live with morals and values. Ivy Ridge taught me that I have a choice in every aspect of my life. It taught me who I really am. I have shifted my beliefs and values since I have been here. When I walked through the doors of Ivy Ridge I believed in one thing, That was saving my own butt. I didn’t care how I did it, I was deceitful, I was a liar, I was selfish and self-centered. I did not care who I hurt as long as I was looking out for myself. I don’t feel dumb and worthless anymore. Through graduating Discovery and Focus, I know who I am. I am a unique, fun-loving and playful young man. I now value my family, I value honesty, wisdom and humor. I no longer only think about myself. I still have much to learn, and I am looking forward to it.